Welcome to the Wednesday League Day 2019 Season

May 8, 2019 | Posted by Jay Pembleton

Get Your Wife to Hate The Game You Love...

     Touting the new property’s unique and imaginative design, representatives announced Monday the opening of The Ordeal Golf & Country Club, a new course specifically designed for full-scale family meltdowns.

     Situated in northern Ontario, right in the heart of Black Fly country, the 350-acre property reportedly incorporates many of the most aggravating elements of golf and expands them into a creative and fully immersive world of irritation, which is said to include 6-hour rounds and a convoluted layout that ensures most shots are either blind or severely uphill.  According to the club GM, Shank Bartlett, Ordeal’s specialized combination of features will ensure a slowly building resentment among female visitors, eventually resulting in a dramatic public outburst followed by a silent walk back to the car.

     “We’ve considered every detail to ensure couples have the heated argument of a lifetime,” said Bartlett, explaining that the club is divided into three distinct nines named Fatigue, Hunger and Boredom. “Whether it’s the sheer distance between holes or the unspecified bathroom locations, every aspect of the experience is guaranteed to ratchet up the tension until your wife loses all emotional self-control and screams that she should never have tried the game in the first place.”

     According to Bartlett, considerable effort was devoted to crafting the course’s overall aesthetic, which emphasizes open, unshaded stretches of dry, brown turf without any benches for resting.  Additionally, no water is provided anywhere on the grounds and there are absolutely no power carts or rickshaws.  Bartlett went on to add that access to the tee is based on a ‘first come, first served’ model giving irritable newbies the opportunity to squabble over who’s up next.

     One of Ordeal’s most talked-about features is that it’s almost always under construction making conversation with your loved one virtually impossible.  Club officials explained that the unnecessary work is intended to sow seeds of resentment, contributing to the eventual fiery altercation they expect to boil over at the Half-Way House which has no seating and sells nothing but over-cooked Bratwurst and $15 cans of warm beer.

     “We provide the poorly thought out environment, and you do the rest — whether you opt to loudly belittle her poor play, criticize her club selection or coach her on every shot, Ordeal G & C C is perfect for guys who want to turn their wives off the game forever,” said Bartlett, raising his voice over the punk, hip-hop and heavy metal music that blares on a continuous loop from loudspeakers throughout the entire property.  

     Club officials noted that Ordeal also features ridiculously expensive lessons, a ‘smoke anywhere’ policy with respect to cigars and a Pro Shop that specializes in over-priced clothing tailored exclusively to men.  “We want your spouse to have a one-of-a-kind experience while you’re here, which is why our all-male staff will be on hand to ignore their needs while wishing them ‘a great day on the links,’” said Bartlett, referring to the greeting that will begin to sound more and more like a taunt as the afternoon wears on.

 

Play well,

 

Jay



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This Week's Hi-Lights...


Low Team

1st

Cracks Hacks


2nd

Howe You Playing


Low Gross

1st

Kerry Quail


2nd

Steve Johnson


Low Net

1st

William Martin


T2

Tom Plunkett

Murray VanWart

Steve Johnson


Weather on course
28℃ / Mainly cloudy
Full Forcast

Last Players Score Entered 1 minute 9 seconds ago




Money List
Pos. Name Winnings
1 Devan Jobb $198
2 Greg Marousis $179
3 Lucas DeCorso $171
4 Gary Clairman $147
5 Doug Blair $140
T6 Mark Neil $139
T6 Ron Wiseman $139
8 Mick Driver $136
9 Paolo Sibblin $135
10 Matt Rattray $128
T11 Chris Schuurmans $122
T11 Craig Walker $122
13 Dan Champagne $115
14 Colin Church $112
15 Ned Gvoich $110
16 Lori Bishenden $108
17 Bob Cracknell $106
18 Harold Campbell $102
T19 Terry Churchill $100
T19 Ron Garton $100
T21 Will Course $95
T21 Randy Doucette $95
T23 Ed Lowery $92
T23 Alastair McCluskey $92
T23 Jeff Graham $92
T23 Larry Kich $92
27 Dan Zuwala $91
28 Stuart Riddell $89
T29 Rory Fox $83
T29 Ted Nelligan $83
T31 Derek Brown $82
T31 Ken LaChapelle $82
33 Louise Churchill $80
T34 Paul Garton $75
T34 Pete Gair $75
T36 Doug Blain $74
T36 John Gwinn $74
38 Ralph Shaw $73
T39 Kevin Dickson $72
T39 Tony Crane $72
41 Mark Olender $71
42 Bob Tummon $70
43 Doug Neath $69
44 Chuck Thompson $66
T45 Dave Gurr $65
T45 Jan Rimmer $65
T45 Tony Andrade $65
T45 Brian Wilson $65
49 Marie Cracknell $63
T50 Sheik Bacchus $62
T50 Ken Holloway $62
T50 Matt Chate $62
T50 Tomasz Onik $62
T50 Audrey Rae $62
T55 Joe Hamley $61
T55 Tom Krouskie $61
57 Mario Castellan $60
T58 Liam McKay $59
T58 Greg Clark $59
60 Rod Stork $58
T61 Ken Chaisson $57
T61 Don Canhoto $57
T63 Fab Piovesan $56
T63 David DeCorso $56
65 Don Maltby $55
66 Brian Bishenden $54
T67 Isaac Reimer $52
T67 Matt Onik $52
T69 Simon Howe $50
T69 Joanne Shaw $50
T71 John DeCorso $49
T71 Joel Willis $49
73 Mark Moore $47
74 Brenda Fudge $46
T75 David Lyver $45
T75 Jason Sewell $45
77 Rick Walker $44
78 Pat McCann $41
T79 Ron Moore $40
T79 Bill Dunville $40
T79 Tom Plunkett $40
T82 Kerry Quail $38
T82 Ian Nicol $38
T84 Fred Gottmers $35
T84 Len Haslam $35
T84 Mary Pat Garton $35
T84 Shane Handy $35
88 Hugh Martin $34
T89 Ted DeCorso $30
T89 Don Rae $30
T89 Bill Greenwood $30
92 Robert Scouller $29
93 Steve Robinson $27
94 Dave Ralph $26
T95 Michael Vincent $25
T95 Wayne Harloff $25
T95 Chris Bell $25
T95 Alan Arneill $25
99 Frank Ingratta $24
T100 Howie Evans $23
T100 Ian McGinty $23
T100 Brian Welsh $23
103 Jordy MacPherson $22
T104 Fred Duimstra $20
T104 Erik Hardy $20
T104 Dave Betik $20
T104 Rick Rice $20
T104 Paul Azzopardi $20
109 Mitch Despinic $17
T110 Chris Hayes $15
T110 William Martin $15
T110 Jeff Kawakami $15
113 Steve Johnson $12
T114 Hugh Ferguson $10
T114 James Clavel $10
T114 Mike Farley $10
T114 Spencer Steinbach $10
T114 Jo Rider $10
T114 Don Reid $10
T114 Murray VanWart $10
Total Payout $7445