Welcome to the Brantford / Kitchener Men's Indoor Golf League 2017-2018 Season

Jan 18, 2018 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

It Ain't Over Til It's Over...

Fifty One participants on four teams stretched out over ten weeks and when the dust settled it was the chosen ones who comprise Team One at the top of the Standings.  Congratulations to each and every one of you for being the champions of our first session.  Each member of Team One will receive a Player's Indoor Golf Gift Card at our season-end banquet on Saturday January 20th and their names will be posted in perpetuity on the Men’s League Trophy.  The gentlemen involved; Pat Alpaugh, Jeff Alpaugh, Dayle Bomberry, Rob Butler, Jim Cassidy, Dave DeFransisco, Todd Downey, Dale Folino, Fred Humphrey, John Kutyba, Jordan Matwyko, Chris Olekas, Mike Smith and Brad Steedman were either at or near the top of the standings during the regular season and they finished solidly in the playoffs.  Pretty damn good playing, boys. Winning, is good.  A gathering in their honour is scheduled for Saturday January 20th at the Brantford location.  This event is included in your league fees.  All we ask is that you notify Nicole (info@indoorgolfclubs.ca) if you plan to attend;

Indoor Golf Centre Banquet

Saturday January 20th

1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Food, Drink, Skills Competitions

     On the scoring front, well, I was going to regale you with tales of low scores (Gord Dunn – 20 gross points / Kris Bentley & Mike Lestage  - 21 Net Stableford Points) and skins won (we had six skins this week) but since none of those categories included me, I chose to focus on the several bastards who tried their best to be recognized as Most Useless though none were more or, should I say, less successful than my good friend, Dr. David Pugh.  His deplorable performance prompted me to think of a slight variation to the somewhat famous quote by General Norman Schwarzkopf, the leader of the coalition forces in the Gulf War; "going to war without Dave Pugh is like going deer hunting without your accordion".  True dat, General.  True dat.

     It would have been impossible to run the program without the help of our two generous sponsors.  On behalf of all the league participants I want to extend a hearty thank you to Mr. Geoff Tate of Triple Bogey Brewing Co. and Mr. Mark Lefler from Player's.  Mark heavily subsidizes the cost of the league and Triple Bogey provided a weekly beer special and pitched in to fund a portion of the trophy.  I hope you’ll remember to say, "I’ll have a Triple Bogey" the next time you’re at the club.  

                                                                                          So, Is That, You Know... It?

     Not quite.  This will be my last entry until ten days from now when we’ll have drafted new teams, started everyone from zero and, most likely, the same things will have happened; Kris Bentley will continue to clarify that his score was actually for 9-holes and not 18, John Buccilli will have at least one of his drives come up short of the screen, I will continue to insist that simulators are biased against left-handers and both Dan and Ron Douwes will be one drink closer to that dangerous offender status they’ve been working on since November.


That is all,



Jan 11, 2018 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

Week One Playoff Update

     I apologize for the brevity of this week’s post.  I had a couple of things come up this morning which precluded me from dedicating my usual 3 – 4 hours of Thursday morning writing.  The facts are these;

*  We’re one week into our two-week playoff which means next week is our final week.

*  Team One lost some ground to the field this week but they still hold a decent if not unsurmountable lead.  The points for this coming week are such that this thing ain’t over.

*  Our Gross (11.02) and Net (17.02) Stableford Scoring Averages were remarkably high this week. 

*  Dave Jackson was on top of the Gross Stableford page with 20 points.  Nice shootin'

*  Ryan Heeg, bounced back after a couple of disappointing weeks and put up 25 Net Stableford Points.

*  Greywolf is one gorgeous golf course. 

     So, what’s in store for the final week of the Triple Bogey Men’s League Tour?  Well, I have no earthly idea but perhaps this golf-related horoscope will help;

Aries | March 21 to April 20: A smooth putting stroke and a charming personality will only take you so far in this game, which is good news, considering you have neither.

Taurus | April 21 to May 20: The stars indicate you’ll make a hole-in-one this week which makes you wish you believed in all this astrology crap now.

Gemini | May 22 to June 21: It turns out that Andy Warhol overestimated the duration of your fame by about 14 and a half minutes.

Cancer | June 22 to July 21: This might be the week when every facet of your golf game finally falls into place.  Keep checking back here to see if that's indeed the case.

Leo | July 23 to August 23: After your 3rd time around as a horrible player, you’re really becoming disenchanted with the whole reincarnation thing.

Virgo | August 24 to September 22: The alignment of the stars and the planets can only mean one thing this week: You're looking at a two-dimensional model of our solar system.

Libra | September 23 to October 23: You've always feared change in your life, so relax: You’ll continue to stink at this game for the foreseeable future.

Scorpio | October 24 to November 22: You have your whole life ahead of you but it would probably be wise to think of it in terms of quality and not quantity if you know what I mean.

Sagittarius | November 23 to December 21: Personal growth, a hot putter and a remarkable increase in distance await you this week.  As does wishful thinking.

Capricorn | December 22 to January 20: Everyone warned you that nothing good would come of dishonesty, but you'll learn to live with all the mediocre stuff it gets you.

Aquarius | January 21 to February 18: When all is said and done, only you can make yourself feel bad.  But that won't stop the three bastards you’re playing with from trying.

Pisces | February 19 to March 20: Scott Newsome and Jack Wratten will be shocked and embarassed when they learn that cockfighting is supposed to involve chickens.

Click HERE to view the Skins Results          Click HERE to view the Deuce Pot Results

Click HERE to view the Gross Scoring Averages          Click HERE to view the Net Scoring Averages

Next Week:  It’s our final week of this session.  We’ll be playing the front nine of Bandon Dunes at the Bandon Dunes Golf Resort in Bandon, Oregon.  I hope you’ve all enjoyed the golf, the camaraderie and, heaven forbid, the blog and, most importantly, I hope you’ll consider signing up for the next 10-week session which starts on Wednesday January 31st.  Please speak with a staff member to confirm your entry; brantford@indoorgolfclubs.ca  *  kitchener@indoorgolfclubs.ca


That is all,



Brantford, Ontario / Player's Indoor Golf - After a fourth female server stepped forward alleging that virtually every member of the Wednesday Triple Bogey Men's League had engaged her in a respectful and entirely aboveboard manner, the Brantford Expositor announced Thursday that it would be launching a full investigation into reports of this highly proper conduct.  “I assure you we are taking these commendations very seriously,” said owner, Mark Lefler when speaking to the claims that the widely respected member’s considerate interactions with the female wait staff were entirely expected and not at all surprising.  “While some have said their thoughtfulness and generosity were something of an open secret at the club, I want to assure the membership that I was only made aware of these qualities very recently when league convener, Pat Alpaugh, generously bought a round for himself.”  More to come...

Playoff Update

The seeding for the playoffs is now set;

Team One will start the playoffs with 154 points

Team Four will start the playoffs 133 with points

Team Two will start the playoffs with 111 points

Team Three will start the playoffs with 103 points

     The playoffs will run for two weeks beginning next Wednesday, January 10th.  The format is much like the FEDEX Cup; we're switching to medal play.  Rather than head-to-head matches, teams are now competing against every other team for a share of the purse, which is represented by points.  The better your team score, the more points your team earns. This format allows for a great deal of volatility so now's the time for every good man to come to the aid of the party!

     I'd be remiss if I didn't recognize a few of our most impressive individual performances this session;

Danny Marsh won $252 by making a deuce on # 11 (the bastard)

Dave Jackson and Chris McLean both shot one-under par (gross)

Dave DeFransisco posted the highest Net Stableford score I've ever heard of (26 points)

Dale Folino refuted the previous claim when he posted the same net score (26 points) as Mr. DeFransisco

Mark Polischuk went from 1st on the Low Gross page last week to 1st on the Most Useless Bastard list this week.  I realize Mark's feat isn't anything to crow about but I think you'll agree it's impressive and I felt it was time to take the cocky SOB down a peg. I'd prefer you keep this part between us.


So, What The Hell is Going on With Your Game?

     As much as I enjoy the night out, I have to admit I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with the short game portion of indoor golf.  As such, I decided that, this week, I'd try something new - a pre-shot routine.  Like most of my life-altering solutions it was hatched on the way up to the club and solidified the moment my name popped up on the screen.  Since discipline and dedication are the hallmarks of every great player I figured I’d stick with it until I hit two bad shots in a row.  I mean, you don’t want to beat the damn thing to death.  Now, I’m prepared to admit that my new "routine" is probably different than most; it became somewhat of a fluid art and varied significantly depending on the outcome of the previous shot.  If I was going nicely I went by the book; carefully focusing on my target, aligning myself and then initiating the takeaway with a specific swing "key".  If the preceding shot was unsatisfactory, well… I have no idea what the hell I did then.  All I know for sure is that it began with a very rhythmic, "all right you idiot, just once… ".  So, anyway, there I was, teed up and cocksure on the 10th hole (we played the back nine this week) but already 2-over and whatever cock not-so-sure is when my ball bounded over the back right of the 11th green.  Oh, the humanity.  I'll have to come up with something new for next week.

Click HERE to view the Skins Results          Click HERE to view the Deuce Pot Results

Click HERE to view the Gross Scoring Averages          Click HERE to view the Net Scoring Averages


Next Week:  We head west to take on the cliffhanger when we play the front nine of the gorgeous Greywolf Golf Course in Panorma, British Columbia.

That is all,



Dec 28, 2017 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

Playoffs?!? You Talkin' Bout Playoffs???

     We had 39 hearty souls post a score yesterday which is pretty damn good when you consider that by the time we teed off the thermometer and Kris Bentley's gross Stableford Points were almost exactly the same.  Yes, fellow Grinches, it was that cold!

     With but one week remaining before we embark on our two-week playoff, Team's One & Four are slowly separating themselves from the pack.     

     It's almost time to grow your beards cause in one week we're headin’ to the Post Season!  How does it all work, you ask?  This nifty Q & A should explain it perfectly;

League Playoffs  -  Q & A

Q: What is the format?

A: The format of our playoffs is similar to the FedExCup format.  Simply stated, there is no more Team vs. Team.  During the playoffs, each team competes against the other teams for a piece of the weekly purse, which is represented by points.  The lower your team's score, the more points your team will earn for that particular week.  This format is very volatile which means every team is still very much in it.


Q:  When do the playoffs start?

A:  Our final week of regular season play is Wednesday January 3rd.  The playoffs start on Wednesday January 10th.


Q: What happens to the points my team earned during the regular season?

A: Teams will start the playoffs with the same number of points they accumulated during the regular season.


Q: How will the points be distributed during the playoffs?

1st...     20 Points

2nd...    15 Points  

3rd...     10 Points  

4th...       5 Points

*  IMPORTANT: The points will increase for the second week of the playoffs


Q: Will participation still count?

A: Absolutely! Participation Points will be added to the Performance Points listed above.


Q: What does it all mean, man?

A: The team in 1st place at the conclusion of the Playoffs will be our Triple Bogey League Champions!  A distinction that admittedly carries little weight out in the real world.  Beyond that, not a whole hell of a lot.


Q: How long will the playoffs run?

A: The playoffs will run for two weeks - Wednesday January 10th and Wednesday January 17th.


Click HERE to view the Skins Results          Click HERE to view the Deuce Pot Results

Click HERE to view the Gross Scoring Averages          Click HERE to view the Net Scoring Averages


Next Week:  We join the PGA Tour when we'll play the back nine of the gorgeous Plantation Course in Kapalua.


That is all,



Swearing Is An Art Form...

Dec 21, 2017 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

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The Tour Visits the Bear Trap...

Dec 14, 2017 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

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What's In A Name?

Dec 7, 2017 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

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Mathematically Challenged

Nov 30, 2017 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

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Standings Are Tight After Second Week of Team Play

Nov 23, 2017 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

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2017 / 2018 Indoor League is Underway!

Nov 16, 2017 | Posted by Pat Alpaugh

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2017 / 2018 Season

Nov 7, 2017 | Posted by Mark Lefler

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Brantford / Kitchener Men's Indoor Golf League Sponsors:

League Sponsor

Scoring Sponsor

League Sponsor


January 17th play was on the front nine of Bandon Dunes



Top Team

Team Three




High Stableford (Gross)

Gord Dunn





High Total Points (Net)

Mike Lestage

Kris Bentley





Skins - Net

Dayle Bomberry

Brad Fischer

Mike Lestage

$43 each




Deuce Pot - Gross

Mike Lestage

Dave Pugh



Last Players Score Entered 328 days 16 hours ago

Money List
Pos. Name Winnings
1 Danny Marsh $280.67
2 Dale Folino $192.75
3 Dave Jackson $181.93
4 Chris McLean $127
5 Brad McIver $125.25
6 Jack Wratten Jr. $100.67
T7 Mike Lestage $86
T7 Jim Delisle $86
9 Jon Kutyba $85.55
10 Dave Pugh $85
11 Brad Halyk $72
12 Rob Butler $71.67
13 Ryan Heeg $66.75
14 Gordon Dunn $61.8
15 Kyle Clifford $58.5
T16 Jack Wratten $57.33
T16 Chris Olekas $57.33
T18 Kent Foster $48
T18 Mark Polischuk $48
T20 Kris Bentley $45
T20 Mario Pani $45
T20 Scott Newsome $45
T23 Brad Fischer $43
T23 Dayle Bomberry $43
T23 Jerry Martin $43
26 Jim Howard $18.8
T27 Randy Moyer $0
T27 Jeff Alpaugh $0
T27 Chris Pollinger $0
T27 Scott Elliot $0
T27 Pat Alpaugh $0
T27 Jeff Barclay $0
T27 John Buccilli $0
T27 Jim Cassidy $0
T27 Don Cullen $0
T27 Dave DeFransisco $0
T27 Jeff Dixon $0
T27 Dan Douwes $0
T27 Ron Douwes $0
T27 Todd Downey $0
T27 Leo Eikelman $0
T27 Nick Folino $0
T27 Ron Sault $0
T27 Mike Smith $0
T27 Brian Herr $0
T27 Brad Steedman $0
T27 Fred Humphrey $0
T27 Kevin Jackson $0
T27 Frank Lee $0
T27 Nate Lockey $0
T27 Teddy Schotten $0
T27 Jordan Matwyko $0
T27 Chuck McCrae $0
Total Payout $2175