Welcome to the Thursday Men's Night 2018 Season

Jul 15, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

League Day Recap

Another Men's Night is in the history books, and many of you fellows have much of which to be proud.  Ron Newell strolled off the course with a 33 to take Low Gross honours - Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble, hey Ron? - while Kevin Ott fired off his best of the season to tie with Brian Panter for Low Net (27).  Sending shockwaves through the club, Superbad were officially upgraded to Supermediocre after their Low Team of the Night win.  

As for the night's special contests, it's nice to see some different henscratch on the pins.  Rob Humber, who's normally as straight as a circle, was the very definition of accurate on the 1st hole.  Dave Woodbeck, Paul Pequegnat and Geoff Aide all stuck it real good to win the Closest to the Holes - Go Jays!  And Heman Frampton, in a rare display of golf prowess, nudged his scuffed Titleist right up beside the Tower of Beer to win the final, and perhaps most coveted, contest prize of the night.  Way to dig deep when it really counts, my man.

But it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies.  Peter Strano came in with a 35 looking like the cat that ate the heron -- too bad he had neglected to record his score for the 7th hole.  And Len Arminio book-ended 7 solid holes with a round-wrecking double and triple that apparently involved wandering through the desert for longer than the Israelites.  Finally, Torben wishes he had used an alias after stumbling in with a score that Must Not Be Named.  Mr. Drewes, try to remember the words of the great Harvey Pennick - "Your next shot is a new experience.  It might be the best shot you ever hit in your life."

See you next Thursday,


Jul 7, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

The View from The Yellows

Between the heat and the very real potential for storms, I was quite impressed that 32 players teed it up during Men's Night this past Thursday.  When the "there's lightning" horn blew at about 7:00, about half of the players still on the course rushed for the clubhouse, while the other half played in, reasoning they could golf just as fast as they could walk.  Nevermind that they were each holding their own personal lightning rod in the form of a golf club!

But an even two dozen guys did manage to get a score in this week, and the best was that of Steve Peers, who nabbed Low Gross with a 31 and Low Net with a 25.  New to Men's Night, Steve's handicap has plummeted from 10 to 6.  One more game in the low 30s will bring it down to 4, and so on.  So I guess what I'm saying is enjoy it while you can, Steve!

As for the team competition, we didn't award prizes this week since not everyone was able to finish their game and the mother in me wants everything to be fair, but the software program did its heartless thing and awarded points just the same.  Whole 9 Yards was the biggest benefactor of the sucky weather, winning their match to improve their record to an iffy 4 and 5 and move them into 4th in the standings, where Gone With the Wind and Failure to Launch are tied for 1st, and 300 sits in 2nd place just 4 points behind.  As for Grumpy Old Men...boys, I've done what I can and it's now up to each of you to dig deep and find your lost swings.  Small confession:  lately I've been wondering how people can golf so badly but then I played the front 9 from the yellow tees instead of the reds and, let me tell you, it's harder from back there!  On the 2nd and 3rd holes there's water!!  On the 5th hole there are trees!!  But my biggest shock came on the 4th, the hole I had recently derided many of you for putting it out of bounds on during the skills competition.  From the red tees this fairway is as wide as the kid picked last in dodgeball, but from the yellows I felt like I was suddenly in a single-lane bowling alley.  I did manage to keep it in the fairway, but let me tell you, my overall score would have earned me a place squarely on the Useless Bastards list.     

See you next Thursday,

Jul 1, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

Player Chokes Right on Schedule

A beautiful night for golf this past Thursday, and a superb turn-out as evidenced by the 667 prize vouchers Madison and I had to give out because the teams were so ginormous.  Man, there were just too many ties.  Really the person I am most peeved with is Panter Junior.  Let me explain:  Brian brought his son out and this new guy had quite a round going -- 2 birdies and 3 pars by the 9th tee.  Now, most players, when faced with the challenge of finishing off a good round, dig deep and tap into some tremendous well of courage they never knew they had, but apparently the moment young Brad realized he was playing rather well by Men's Night standards, he seized up, went dead quiet for three straight minutes, and then self-destructed.  The reason I care is that if he had the decency to even bogey the 9th (instead of taking a steaming 7) he would have won low gross, saving us that four-way tie between Chris Jones, Terry Humphries, Cory Leeming and Brian Withers (34).  As for the Team of the Night tie between 300 and Superbad, I blame Colin Curlew.  Mr. C golfed way above his paygrade and had he had a typical night, 300 would have finished middle of the pack like they usually do.  So, thanks Colin.  A less sarcastic thanks to Jamie O'Brien for winning Low Net outright.  Much apprecaited! 

Well, it's hard to believe but we are now approaching mid-season.  This being said, I just took a look at standings etc. and used my perogative to do whatever the heck I want around here to make a few team changes.  Now, I know many of you have put your blood, sweat and tears into your team (and most definitely know which one you are on) so basically I took a few guys who just started playing and threw them at The Whole 9 Yards and Grumpy Old Men.  The Whole 9 Yards still lost their match, but by less.  Grumpy Old Men still lost their match, but by less.  All teams now have 9 or 10 regular players (with the exception of Failure to Launch which seems to do just fine with their committed 7), and with handicaps becoming more accurate every week any team should technically be able to win.  Technically.

Before I sign off, just a reminder that next Thursday is going to be our 2nd of 3 deluxe Men's Nights.  On the menu:  a bbq chicken quarter, baked potato, salad, roll, and strawberry shortcake.  On the course:  straightest drive on #1, closest to the hole on 3, 5 and 6, and closest to the beer on #7 -- can you guess the prize?  At the bar:  it's a surprise but anyone who is fond of bacon will enjoy.  

See you Thursday,

Jun 24, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

Differences Between Men and Women

After Men's Night this week I was told in no uncertain terms by a number of you that there were women on the course and that must have accounted for any slow play issues because women always play slow and men never, ever play slow.  Thank-you!  I have added this difference between women and men to a list I have been keeping.

When a Person Washes the Dishes
Woman:  After a meal.
Man:  When he runs out of clean dishes.

Why a Person Needs a Hair Dryer
Woman:  To dry and style hair.
Man:  To dry socks.

How a Person Chooses Shampoo
Woman:  It contains aloe extract and liquid keratin for shine, plus it's $24.99 so it must be good.
Man:  The bottle says "shampoo."

When a Person Gets Sick
Woman:  "It's okay, I'm just a little tired."
Man: "Listen to me carefully, woman.  These may be my last words."

What a Person Tells their Hairdresser
Woman:  "Take a little off the sides, straighten the bangs, and highlight a couple strands around my face."
Man:  "Make it shorter."

Why a Person Goes Grocery Shopping
Woman:  Ran out of something.
Man:  Ran out of everything.

Why a Person Cleans Up the House
Woman:  Bought some new cleaning products and guests are coming over later.
Man:  Can't find the cat.

Why a Person Dresses Up
Woman:  No occassion needed.  Will dress up to water plants in the rain.
Man:  For a wedding or funeral.

How People Dry Off After a Shower:
Woman:  Uses a towel the size of a small country.
Man:  Shakes like a dog.

How People Relate to their Children
Woman:  Knows all about them.  Knows about their appointments, romances, best friend's favourite foods, secrets fears, hopes and dreams.
Man:  Is vaguely aware some short people live in the house.

How to Impress...
A Woman:  Compliment her.  Comfort her.  Listen to her.  Stand by her.  Go to the ends of the earth for her.
A Man:  Show up with beer.

And finally, you can't call women Useless Bastards.  Ever.

To quickly recap the competition on June 21st, Rob Humber shot his best round in the past three years to nab Low Net with a nifty 24.  All of us at Heron Landing are at a loss to explain how he fired off a 36 after wetting the bed with a 46 a mere 7 days earlier.  Decades of research will be required before we can begin to comprehend this hack to hero phenomenon!  As for Ron Newell, after playing like Rodney Dangerfield for the past several weeks he finally returned to form to take Low Gross honours with a 31.  Rob Humber and the youngest Ott dialled it in on the the right holes to win closest to the pin. 

On the team side of things, talk about a close one - there was just a six point spread between Failure to Launch and the 6th place team this week.  What's relevant?  Superbad, lead by the aforementioned Rob Humber, won their 3rd match of the season, and Gone With the Wind bettered their record to a comfortable 6 wins/1 loss.  Still anyone's game.

See you next Thursday,






How To Look Smarter

Jun 16, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Exhaustive Skills Competition Analysis

Jun 9, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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The Tides Turn for Superbad and 300

Jun 3, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Week 2 in Review and Captain Comparison Chart

May 19, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Week #1 Recap and News of a Fascinating Study

May 12, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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2018 Thursday Men's Night

May 10, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Thursday Men's Night Sponsors:

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Title Sponsor

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This Week's Hi-Lights...

Low Team


Low Gross

Ron Newell

Low Net

Kevin Ott


Net Flight 0.0 to 25.0

Geoff Aide

Sean Dunlop

John Miller

Jamie O'Brien

Brian Panter

Special Prizes
Name Payout Reason
Ron Newell $10 Low Gross
Kevin Ott $5 Tie low net
Brian Panter $5 Tie low net
Weather on course
28℃ / Sunny
Full Forcast

Last Players Score Entered 2 days 23 hours ago

Money List
Pos. Name Winnings
1 Garrett Ott $76.92
2 Roger Malcome $64.5
3 Guy Brown $53.2
4 Colin Curlew $53.13
5 Peter Strano $51.5
6 Cal Craig $49.83
7 Jamie O'Brien $48.5
8 Rob Humber $44.83
9 Robbie Ott $43.33
10 Steve Peers $40.4
11 Cory Leeming $40
12 Ed McGregor $36.83
13 Brian Withers $35
14 Scott Duncan $34.83
15 Shawn Bennett $34.13
16 Brian Panter $33.33
17 John Tessier $33.13
T18 Jim Brown $30
T18 Ron Newell $30
20 Kevin Ott $27.5
21 Jason Brown $27
T22 Dale Power $25
T22 Len Arminio $25
T22 Geoff Aide $25
25 Sean Dunlop $20
T26 Craig Gillis $17.5
T26 Art Carey $17.5
T26 Terry Humphreys $17.5
29 Mel Hawkins $15.83
T30 Kevin Jacobs $15
T30 Paul Barnett $15
T30 Lorne Dixon $15
T30 Dave Woodbeck $15
T30 Chris Jones $15
T30 John Miller $15
36 Brad Simmons $13.33
37 Rod Case $12.5
38 Dave Peers $10.2
T39 Steve Kitchen $10
T39 Paul Kortshaga $10
T39 John Dike $10
42 Paul Penquegnat $7.5
43 Bill Carter $5.2
T44 Heman Frampton $5
T44 Jason Dunford $5
T44 Ken Courneya $5
T44 John Mazziotti $5
T44 Andy Wood $5
T44 Tim Fallis $5
T44 Mark Murdoch $5
T44 Alan Sullivan $5
T44 Ralph Johnston $5
T53 Bill Welbourne $2.5
T53 Torben Drewes $2.5
T55 Mike Peers $0
T55 Trevor Julian $0
T55 Mike Hickey $0
T55 Bill Dubyk $0
T55 Gerry Connolly $0
Total Payout $1269.95