Welcome to the Thursday Men's Night 2018 Season

Sep 7, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

That's All She Wrote

Hard to believe Men's Night 2018 is now one for the annals of golf history.  I believe much fun was had -- I know I very much enjoyed realizing Shawn Bennett had played 18 weeks of golf without knowing he was the captain of the team that ultimately won the whole shooting match.  I mean, jeez, he only sat in front of that big screen tv for 2 hours every night!  Peter Strano's shirt also made me smile.  Never before have I seen that particular shade of purple with that particular shade of orange, but it is not a sight I will soon forget.  

As for the scramble, Ron Newell summed things up quite succintly when he said, "You can't win a scramble by waiting until the 8th hole to get a birdie."  How, true, how true -- our winning team of Power, Drewes, Humphreys and Woodbeck fired off two to get things started and sprinkled in three more for good measure.  No word on how they ended up with a bogey on the 9th, but I suspect it had to do with needing to use a certain someone's drive.  But maybe not.  Maybe Torben was brilliant.  A shout out to Dixon et. al and Peers x 3 + Aide as well -- they were also 4 under for the day but just needed the putter a few more times to do it.  So, pride not prize fellas.

Nice to see Robbie Ott's name on one of the closest to the holes too.  I'm always secretly cheering for that "little" guy.  He won a "Caddyshack" towel and I now feel that I have done my part in helping to teach a new generation about this classic movie.

Many other prizes were won last night and I think someone's observation was correct -- the Leafs bag had the lowest amount of interest.  But would a Blue Jays bag have been in any higher demand???  At any rate, many thanks to those who were able to donate a prize.  I think it was a great table.

Lots more golf to be had this season because, believe it or not, we don't shutter the place as soon as Men's Night is over.  Hope to see you out for a round.  Now that it doesn't count, I'm betting you will all shoot the lights out.  

See you when I see you,
Jen
   



Sep 1, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

How the Mighty have Fallen

Our final playoff round was played under ideal conditions this past Thursday.  To recap, under the somewhat hands-off captaincy of John Dike the guys of Gone With the Wind were the proud owners of the best piece of real estate in the standings going into the game, but Shawn Bennett and the other men of 300 were a-nipping at their heels.  Meanwhile, Superbad was rising in the ranks (with no one as surprised as Captain Arminio) and Failure to Launch was also mounting a last minute offensive.  Then 9 holes were played and although a lot could be said here, what really stands out in my mind is this:

Gone With the Wind imploded.  After watching Lorne Dixon swinging his way down the 9th hole, I couldn't help but wonder if one of his legs was actually shorter than the other, and as for Sean Dunlop, although he tried to invoke section 33.1 of the Guy's Golf Code (mass consumption of alcohol before and during the round legally excuses said player from the horridness of his score), there was no getting around the fact that he took a heck of a lot of swings out there.  The result was a last place finish and a measly 6 playoff points for this team.

Grumpy Old Men slayed it.  Bill Welbourne came, saw and conquered, tying for Low Net and firing off his best round of the season (33).  Yes, this dude really let it all hang out, and although his playing partners wish he would tuck it back in, he did lead his team to victory and 34 sweet playoff points.

So what does it all mean?  In a nutshell, 300 ovetook 1st place in the standings to win Best Team of the Year, Gone with the Wind humbly dropped to 2nd place, and Grumpy Old Men came out of nowhere to land in 3rd.  All three teams will be rewarded correspondingly during next week's prize presentation.

As for next week, sadly it marks the end of the season for Men's Night.  Our scramble tournament will be followed by a delicious Italian dinner and then a whole whack of prizes for all the season's accomplishments.  And since we're fighting with dusk right now, if all 9 hole players could be prepared to tee off 10 minutes earlier than their regular time, that would be great.

See you Thursday,
Jen

         



Aug 26, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

Is All Cheating in Golf Inexcusable?

Seems like just yesterday the Men's Night season opened with 45 players doing their best not to whiff any in what may have been their first round of 2018.  The gross scoring average was just shy of 44 strokes.  Cal Craig won Low Net with a 28 and Cory Leeming took Low Gross honours with a 34.  Failure to Launch and 300 tied for Low Team of the Week.  Well, the gross scoring average has dropped by just over 3.5 strokes over the last 15 games and Cal Craig ended up having himself a fairly decent season (T9 on the money list with 6 payouts and one skin).  And did Cory Leeming continue his winning ways?  Is pig pork?  Yep, Cory was our Low Gross winner three times, reduced his handicap from 5 to 2, and had the 2nd lowest score of the season with a 30 (no need to even mention that 46 on June 14th).  As for team play, those teams that tied way back on day one tied in the 2nd week of playoffs as well.  300, under the brave leadership of Shawn Bennett, are right in the mix, having moved back into 2nd place in the overall standings, just 6.5 points back from leaders Gone With the Wind (who kind of tanked this week, placing 5th and earning a measly 8 points).  As for Failure to Launch, captained by Ron Newell, they sit in 4th place overall but just 4.5 points behind Superbad.  By my calculations, if they win next week and everyone on the team shows up, and Gone With the Wind loses because no one on the team shows up, Failure can win the whole shooting match.  More realistically, they will give 300 and Superbad a run for 2nd place and the mega-big payout that entails.  I think round three will be very exciting -- be sure to play because not only may it come down to participation points, but you never know when you'll mysteriously stop being a Useless Bastard for one blissful night.

In other news, I actually got to step out from behind the front desk and play a round on Saturday.  It was a scramble tournament organized by friends and although my team was driving and chipping well, we just couldn't get a single putt to drop to make the birdies necessary to win such events.  It was par, par, par and eventually we were lulled into a false sense of security, just assuming we would continue to make par as we had on the majority of the previous holes.  So on the 15th green we had a three-footer.  And what do you think we did?  We all missed it.  But here's the thing; one of the players had brought her six-year-old grandson and he had used his weenie little driver and putter to take the odd inconsequential swing through the game.  And what do you think we did?  We called him over from where he was communing with some bug, he sunk the putt, and we cheerfully recorded a 4 on our scorecard.  At the time it felt justifiable, given that he had been somewhat distracting up to that point, what with all the butterfly chasing and cart-wheeling, but now it feels like, just possibly, my team cheated.  Which got me thinking about all the different kinds of cheating there are in golf, and how some kinds are really pretty harmless (getting a six-year-old to sink one little putt) and some kinds are completely dastardly.  Read on for what I came up with and where it rates on the scale of despicability.    


1.  The 1st Tee Mulligan - Just because Peter Strano is doing it doesn't make it right, but it's really no more harmful than encouraging a child to believe in Santa Claus.  Despicability Rating:  1


2.  The Travelling Mulligan - Anywhere other than the 1st tee, the do-over morphs from an innocent custom to a damning measure of your manhood.  Despicability Rating:  4

3.  Fluffing Up - Strictly speaking, fluffing should be reserved for hair salons and porn movie sets, but as long as you and your patrners have agreed to allow it, I won't give you too much grief about it.  But if you break the course record it doesn't count!  
Despicability Rating:  3

4.  The Foot Wedge - Here I must distinguish between the flagarant foot-wedge, employed in the middle of the fairway with a dramatic flourish by clowns like Mike Hickey, and the clandestine variety used under the shadowy cover of trees.  The first is a kind of comedic performance art.  The second locates you on the evolutionary scale somewhere between cockroach and pond-scum.  Despicability Rating (flagarant): 3  Despicability Rating (clandestine):  10

5.  Making a Bogey and Writing Down Par - Cheating is a sign of your flawed moral character.  Writing about it is proof that you're a sociopath.  Despicability Rating:  10

6.  Sweeping Away 2-Footers - You're not fooling me.  You brushed at that short putt nonchalantly to try and absolve yourself of the consequences if you missed.  Well, guess what?  The ball didn't drop and that stroke still counts, whether you acknowledge it or not.  Despicability Rating:  7

7.  Too Many Clubs in the Bag - Commit this crime unknowingly, as Ian Woodsman did in the 2001 British Open, and I commiserate.  But carry it out intentionally and I condemn you for shoddy ethics and poor planning - did you really think that extra club would do you any good?  Enjoy hauling that extra weight, you criminal mastermind.  Despicability Rating:  5

8.  Sandbagging - Willfully misleading others about your handicap is like embellishing your online dating profile.  It's pathtic, all the more so because the truth will soon come out.  Despicability Rating:  9.5 (and for the record, you don't look the slightest bit like George Clooney).

9.  Playing Non-Conforming Clubs - Your driver clubhead is the size of a shovel with a face as springy as a trapeze safety net.  In short, it's illegal.  But golf is hard so as long as you're not playing in a competition, I'm going to look the other way.  Despicability Rating:  2

10.  Dropping a Ball Out of Your Pocket - Remember that scene is "Goldfinger" where Oddjob, working as a caddie, helps his boss cheat against 007?  That's you.  An evil-doer on the level of a Bond villian.  Go away.  I'm not even talking to you anymore.  Despicability Rating:  10

FYI, my team did not win that tournament.

See you Thursday,
Jen
 



Aug 19, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

Playoff Results

The start of our 3-week playoffs was the big news this week.  Shock and awe prevailed when Superbad placed 1st and took 22 large ones.  They were lead to victory by none other than Captain Craig Gillis, who drove it long, put his iron shots close, and putted the eyes out of the damn thing on the way to scoring his best of the season.  Gone With the Wind did what they do -- ie. play well -- to place 2nd and take a respectable 18 points, while The Whole 9 Yards punched way above their weight class to take 3rd place and 14 points.  What does it all mean in the grand scheme of things?  Gone with the Wind is still at the top of the standings, but 300 and Superbad have switched places, with Superbad rising to 2nd place.  As for The Whole 9 Yards, they are still in last place, but less so.  And with 20 more points to be had next week, there is still an opportunity to rise, or fall, in the standings.  Much excitement!

Kudos to Terry, Paul and Kevin for their matching 32s and to Jim Brown for sticking a whole leg into the 30s pool to net a very sweet 23.  As for Rob Humber and that not so sweet net 39, this guy is just going to have to get over his fear of public speaking, now that it has tragically prevented him for yelling "FORE!" to yet another group of innocent, unsuspecting golfers.

See you Thursday for round #2,
Jen       



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This Week's Hi-Lights...


Low Team

Grumpy Old Men

Low Gross

Paul Penquegnat

Low Net

Paul Penquegnat

Skins

Net Flight 0.0 to 25.0

Guy Brown

Garrett Ott

Brad Panter




Special Prizes
Name Payout Reason
Scott Duncan $10 Closest to Pin
Bill Welbourne $10 Closest to Pin
Paul Penquegnat $10 Low Gross
Bill Welbourne $5 Tie low net
Paul Penquegnat $5 Tie low net
Weather on course
4℃ / Overcast
Full Forcast

Last Players Score Entered 43 days 16 hours ago




Money List
Pos. Name Winnings
1 Guy Brown $172.37
2 Shawn Bennett $120.13
3 Steve Peers $98.9
4 Garrett Ott $95.59
5 Brian Panter $82.33
6 Roger Malcome $81
7 Jim Brown $62
8 Sean Dunlop $60
T9 Robbie Ott $59.83
T9 Cal Craig $59.83
11 Kevin Ott $57.5
12 Scott Duncan $54.83
13 Jamie O'Brien $53.5
14 Colin Curlew $53.13
15 Peter Strano $51.5
16 John Tessier $45.63
17 Rob Humber $44.83
18 Cory Leeming $40
19 Paul Penquegnat $39.5
20 Ed McGregor $36.83
T21 Ron Newell $35
T21 Brian Withers $35
T21 Lorne Dixon $35
24 Steve Kitchen $30
25 Bill Welbourne $27.5
26 Jason Brown $27
27 Mel Hawkins $25.83
T28 Len Arminio $25
T28 Geoff Aide $25
T28 Dale Power $25
31 Terry Humphreys $22.5
T32 John Dike $20
T32 Kevin Jacobs $20
34 Brad Panter $18.67
T35 Craig Gillis $17.5
T35 Mark Murdoch $17.5
T35 Art Carey $17.5
38 Bill Carter $15.2
T39 John Miller $15
T39 Mike Peers $15
T39 Chris Jones $15
T39 Paul Barnett $15
T39 Andy Wood $15
T39 Dave Woodbeck $15
T39 Paul Kortshaga $15
46 Brad Simmons $13.33
47 Rod Case $12.5
48 Dave Peers $10.2
49 Mike Hickey $10
50 Torben Drewes $7.5
T51 Harvey McNeely $5
T51 Ralph Johnston $5
T51 Alan Sullivan $5
T51 Heman Frampton $5
T51 Tim Fallis $5
T51 Jason Dunford $5
T51 Ken Courneya $5
T51 John Mazziotti $5
T59 Trevor Julian $0
T59 Bill Dubyk $0
T59 Gerry Connolly $0
Total Payout $2006.96