Welcome to the Wednesday Men's League 2018 Season

Jul 13, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

Some Etiquette Reminders

Another great Wednesday, and although it wasn't the hottest we've had, it was wam enough.  Case in point, Jack Bradley told me after his round that he had played with a "great bunch of guys," but upon checking the schedule I realized there was definitely a little heat stroke going on there!  Anyways, lots of good things to write about good people who don't usually get a lot of positive press around these here parts.  For example, Henk Roestenberg broke 100 for the first time in the league, took Low Net honours with a 55, and led his team to a tie for Team of the Week.  And Mike Lehoux broke 90 for the first time in the league, netted 57, and led Gang Green to the top of the heap with Don't Stop Ball-ieving.  So apprently you can teach an old dog new tricks, especially if the reward is belly rubs and snacks. 

In other news, we have reached the midway point of the Men's League season, so it seems like a good time to review some etiquette rules.  But rather than give you some boring old list, I've thoughtfully presented the material in quiz form, and I would certainly be happy to provide grades for any keeners out there.

1.  What should you look for when you step onto the green?

a)  Goose droppings.
b)  Loose change.
c)  That you are actually on the right green.  Look at the faces of the other players.  If you started with Brian Beckett, make sure you're still with Brian Beckett.  If you started with Bill Ogilvie, make sure you're still with Bill Ogilvie.  If you started with Bob Ford, make sure you're still with Bob Ford.  And if you started with John Dike...I'm sorry.
d)  Ball marks to fix.

2.  What should you do if you hit your ball toward another group of golfers?

a)  Quickly hand your club to another player in your group.
b)  Call your lawyer on your cell phone.
c)  Announce to the other members of your group that you'll be taking a mulligan.
d)  Holler "Fore!" so the unsuspecting players can take cover.

3.  What should you carry in your pocket every time you play golf?

a)  If you're under a 20 handicap, a rabbit's foot.
b)  If you're over a 20 handicap, a rabbit's lower extremities.
c)  If you're Barry Marr, an entire rabbit.
d)  A ball mark repair tool.

4.  What should you do if you lose your ball out on the course?

a)  Look until you find it.  You've paid good money to golf in Men's League and Jen's markup on golf balls is ridiculous.
b)  Drop another ball from the secret compartment in your pant leg and yell, "Oh, here it is.  And it's still in bounds!"
c)  Break a couple of your clubs, and several of your playing partners'.
d)  Look for a couple of quick minutes, take a drop, count the appropriate number of strokes, and move on.

5.  When someone in your group is teeing off, what should you be doing?

a)  Take the opportunity to eat a few potato chips and crumple the bag up when you are putting it away.
b)  Point out to the others in your group the many things the hitter is doing wrong.
c)  Shout, "Oh look, a bald eagle!" right when he's at the top of his back swing.
d)  Stand quietly out of view and watch where the ball lands.

6.  What is the proper thing to do when your fairway shot has dislodged a huge divot?

a)  Stick it in the ear of the guy who yelled, "Oh look, a bald eagle!"
b)  If it went further than your ball, blame the divot and kick it up and down the fairway for a while.
c)  Focus your attention further down the fairway and say, "Divot?  What divot?  I didn't see a divot."
d)  Retrieve the divot, replace it in the hole, and press down firmly with your foot.

7.  After your group has completed putting out, what should you do next?

a)  Take a few minutes practicing the 40-footer you missed for a double bogey.
b)  Take a few more minutes practicing the 10-footer you missed for a triple bogey.
c)  Stand in the middle of the green, turn to face the hole you just played, and tally your shots by licking your finger and making ticks in the air.
d)  Replace the flag in the cup and quickly move to the next hole.

8.  What should you do if you encounter a slow group playing ahead of you?

a)  Send a warning shot over their heads with a Callaway GBB Sub Zero.
b)  Stand on the tee with the other members of your group and shout in unison, "HURRY UP YOU MORONS!"
c)  Fashion a rope out of armpit hair, lasso them, and use the nearest cart to drag them off the course kicking and screaming.
d)  Patiently play behind them until such time that you can courteously request permission to play through.

See you next Wednesday,




Jul 6, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

Scramble Results

I hope you will agree with me that Wednesday's mid-season scramble may have been short but was definitely sweet, just like Mr. Hockaday dipped in batter, deep-fried, and dusted with sugar.  While on the subject, not only was Harry the big draw prize winner of the day, but he also won the 50/50.  Egads!  Now he has the means to buy a pair of shorts to match his new golf shirt!

Moving to the skill portion of the event, Mel Hawkins and Ron Newell were the day's closest to the hole winners, and because life is too short for plain white, they were awarded matching Caddyshack-themed socks.  They were both sporting them the very next day, and I'm still struggling to decide who wore them better.  Mel's pale/pastiness really set off Chevy's eyes, but Ron's general furriness really complemented that groundhog.

As for the scramble, nice to see our head schedule-maker/team-builder had the class to only put himself on the second place team (Marr, Connolly, Williams and Gamsby with a 28).  Winning the day with a 27, and proving that lefties will one day rule the world, was Art, Mike, Brian and Mel.  Congratulations and enjoy your brand new gloves.     

Of course, eleven other teams didn't play quite as well, but no one was quite as disappointed in his team's performance as Chuck Eldridge.  Cleaning up the tables after lunch, we found a crumpled up piece of paper that could only have been a rough draft of a advertisement he must be thinking of running.

My name is Chuck Eldridge.  I'm a MWG (male white golfer) seeking a longterm, meaningful relationship with up to three decent scramble partners who can keep their damn balls in play.  I enjoy long drives, short putts and low numbers.  Prefer non-slicers.

See you next Wednesday,

Jun 21, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

Another Great League Day

Here's all the Men's League Week #8 news that's fit to print.

Gerry Connolly was the 50/50 winner.  Now, I normally don't report on such trivial matters, but I think you'll find this interesting.  Gerry isn't used to having money, so he rushed right down to the bank after his round without even taking the time to unload from his pockets all the golf balls he found while searching for his in the deep rough.  As he stood in line waiting for a teller (he doesn't trust those new-fangled bank machines) he couldn't help but notice that the woman in in front of him kept turning around and oogling his bulging pockets.  "It's golf balls," he finally told her.  "I hope that's not as painful as tennis elbow," she replied.  

Mike Hickey was disappointed.  After connecting the computer to the TV, I said to the guys in the diningroom, "Ready for some excitement?"  Mik's face lit up with hope.  "You mean we're going to watch a porno?"

Gary Scott and Phil Chesher were confused more than normal by the high-level golf executed by one of their playing partners.  "Who is that man?" Gary asked.  "And what have you done with Barry?" Phil continued.  Yes, Mr. Marr returned after a brief holiday on Death's Doorstep to fire off his lowest round of the year (85) and net a sweet 57.  I know you'll be back to your usual form next week, Barry, so bask in the glow while you can!

See you next Wednesday,



Jun 9, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

Men's League Reaches One Millionth Derogatory Comment!

     Before we get into the good, the bad, and the ugly, I just wanted to report on a milestone that was reached on Wednesday afternoon.  Men's League staff erupted in cheers shortly after 2pm local time as we celebrated the one millionth derogatory comment heard in the diningroom.  “We knew that broadcasting the scores on the TV had the potential to revolutionize the variety and volume of highly critical remarks made about fellow player's golf games, but we never dreamed we’d make it to 1 million so quickly,” said Nancy, further noting that the milestone comment ("Hang on, did I just see that some poor bastard shot 132?!?!") would be commemorated on a large bronze plaque in the foyer.   It’s hard to comprehend just how many completely insensitive comments 1 million is and we’re truly humbled by the dedicated participants who take the time to voice such vile and juvenile observations each and every league day as the scores scroll by.  Congratualtions to you all -- this is everyone's victory.

     Before I sign off, I wanted to draw your attention to a few great performances this week.

1) Dave Fitzgerald shaved 20 strokes off last week's score to gross a fine 71.  He said he's probably never go that low ever again, but I took the opportunity to urge him to be more confident, that he has the ability in him as sure as the Newfie blood that courses nobly through his veins. 

2)  Michael Bell took 10 strokes off last week's score to gross a decent 83.  I can't help but notice the correlation between a mention in the blog one week and score improvement the next.  Is it just me or could I give up all the glamour of being a golf course owner to become a motivational blogger??  

3)  Don't Stop Ball-ieving took Low Team of the Week, with Dave Fitzgerald, Mike Lehoux and Dave Allan all turning in sub-par net scores.  They now hold first place in the standings by 3 points and let me tell you, Breaking Badly boss Bruce Brewer is bothered big-time!

4)  The Bus Drivers, lead by Brian Balcombe, recorded their first win of the season.  Always exciting to see the underdogs get their tails out from between their legs and just bite someone already!

See you next Wednesday,



Fashion sense or nonsense?

Jun 1, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Meditation on my Golf Swing

May 25, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Week 3 in Review

May 18, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Week 2 Recap and Your Horoscope

May 11, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Driving the Green

May 3, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Off Season In Review

Apr 24, 2018 | Posted by Jennifer Kells

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Wednesday Men's League Sponsors:

Title Sponsor

This Week's Hi-Lights...

Low Team

Dont Stop Ballieving

Low Gross

Gary Brown

Low Net

Henk Roestenberg

Special Prizes
Name Payout Reason
Chuck Eldridge $5 Closest to Pin
Bob Williams $5 Closest to Pin
Henk Roestenberg $5 Low Net
Weather on course
28℃ / Sunny
Full Forcast

Last Players Score Entered 4 days 5 hours ago

Money List
Pos. Name Winnings
1 Angus Fitzgerald $20
T2 Ron Newell $17.5
T2 Lloyd Mongraw $17.5
T2 Bob Moscrop $17.5
T5 Bob Ford $15
T5 Henk Roestenberg $15
T5 Jim Lee $15
T5 Phil Chesher $15
T9 Dave Allan $12.5
T9 Paul Graham $12.5
T9 Mike Lehoux $12.5
T12 Leo Hogan $10
T12 Brian Balcombe $10
T12 Gerry Connolly $10
T12 Bill Ogilvie $10
T12 Bruce Brewer $10
T12 Paul Knibb $10
T18 Val Melanson $7.5
T18 Mel Orban $7.5
T18 John Lake $7.5
T18 Clare Sandy $7.5
T18 Dave Fitzgerald $7.5
T23 Phil McKeating $5
T23 Gary Payne $5
T23 Brian Withers $5
T23 Bob Williams $5
T23 Ralph Johnston $5
T23 Mike Hickey $5
T23 Paul Crapp $5
T23 Claude Morin $5
T23 Chuck Eldridge $5
T23 Jim Manley $5
T23 Wilson Carl $5
T23 Bill Dubyk $5
T23 Art Carey $5
T23 Art Cody $5
T23 Lorne Dixon $5
T23 Alex Lubimiv $5
T23 Bob Bolton $5
T23 Jerome Pare $5
T23 Cec Harnish $5
T23 Michael Lesurf $5
T23 Gary Brown $5
T44 Colin Entwistle $2.5
T44 Roger Tessier $2.5
T44 Harry Hockaday $2.5
T44 Barry Marr $2.5
Total Payout $382.5